Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Hurricane plans
People on this side of the Ashley River are getting prepared for a storm. Ice, batteries, plywood, flashlights, generator, water etc. Not me. I've decided to become an Entitled One. 1. Let my beard grow, 2. Pour a little rum on my oldest shirt, 3. Don't wash my pants and 4. Keep my bike dry. This way after the storm I can ride my bike across the river and get in line for supplies with the other Entitled Ones.
My expectation is that after Katrina we can make a killing off this storm. Entitled Ones rule. Screw Lowes. Where the fuck is my water? Those federal bastards need to get their ass in gear.
If you see looters on CNN, I'll be the one with a brown paper bag over his head with the green shopping cart running from the liquor store. Naturally, I'll expect FEMA to supply cokes and limes.
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Hey,you go to the liquor store and I'll hit Wal-Mart. I could use some new sneakers, some golf clubs (I've never played, but I might wanna start), a new TV and stereo, maybe a couple of guns and some ammo,etc. While I'm there, I'll pick up a new mountain bike for you. Hopefully, I can carry it all. If not, maybe I can get my mamma and my brother and some of my nephews to help me with all my loot. And just think, if my single-wide mobile home gets blown to bits in the storm, maybe I can get a new FEMA trailer or can get Habitat for Humanity to build me a real house. Who knows, maybe the powers that be will put me up in a hotel for a while, give me per diem for meals, etc... Soooo many opportunities with this kinda weather! Oh, wait, I forgot - I actually have a job, with benefits. I own property. I have homeowners insurance. I own two insured vehicles. I pay taxes. I pay my bills on time. I am a law abiding citizen...Dammit, I guess I'm not entitled to any government assistance/handouts after all. Maybe you'll let me live on your boat for a while...I can catch my own sushi. I'll have plenty of sake (from your trip to the liquor store). Oh, the possibilities...
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: 10:23 AM
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