Pedicab Man

Items needed for task (be sure all materials meet rigid industrial standards):

1. one clean diaper.

2. two washtubs filled with luke warm water --galvanized or plastic will work fine.

3. heavy duty plastic sheet, 8x10 feet--here is an area you might want to upgrade, say to a trucking tarp.

4. four large, heavy-duty garbage bags stuffed into each other (the cheap way), but preferably one bio hazard drum.

5. wet wipes--2213 of these is about right.

6. one gallon each chlorox, vinegar and industrial-grade bio disinfectant.

7. two bio hazard suits like those pictured.

8. saltine crackers, ginger ale and Alka Seltzer --for the dehydration and headache you'll get from throwing up.

Directions: Assemble all items in the backyard. If it's cold, use the garage. If you must make the change in the house, don't bitch about having to wear the bio suit to watch TV (this is why two bio suits are required). Say a prayer--something like, "Please, God, let some woman, any woman, come along and take pity on my sorry ass and get this job done." If your prayer isn't answered, you are in deep doo-doo... Okay, I can't go on with this because the first dirty I tried to change, there was shit to the knees, and I had to call 911 and bail out. So I've given you all you need to do the job--you're on your own.