Tuesday, October 31, 2006


I should get a tax deduction!!

We had a deal; he could spend the first year free, after that he would be paid $10.00 per rat. After 5 years on the payroll he has earned $5.00 [he crippled the rat and I had to kill it].

I figure he owes me about $500,000.00 for picking up poop, food and clothes etc.

Then again, he has been a lot of company and never complains which is worth about a million bucks. So I guess I owe him 1/2 million which he would use to buy about a million balls.

Of course, he can't do a tax return so the IRS would put a lien on the balls and I don't have the money so I guess we'll just be even.

Hope Jennifer doesn't see this picture of him on the couch; she would sell him cheap to the Korean Market.

Friday, October 27, 2006


He needs an agent........

This little guy has a $4.00 a day diaper habit not to mention two full time maids. He needs a job. Maybe the Hot Dog Man could put him to work on the cart as a chick magnet?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


She's a Working Girl..........

Miami Star a 52 foot ketch, Coast Guard approved for charter with 10 guests and crew. She needs the inside refurbished but even then won't be pretty. No bright work or teak on this boat. Built by a Miami Cuban to haul a bunch of folks safely around the Caribbean which she did for 20 years. Plenty of room to live aboard.


What is wrong with this story?

Paddy and his church group are rebuilding a Katrina damaged house in Gulf Port, MS.

They spend a lot of time fixing existing termite damage.

The owner and her son live in a FEMA provided trailer next to the house.

The owner's 24 year old son gets out of bed around 11:00 AM, watches TV and hangs with friends on the street corner.

When a lady in Paddy's crew took trash to the street the owner's son and four of his friends urinated in front of her.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Where does a 40 pound raccoon sleep?

Anywhere she wants..............

[Her hiss is worse than her bite.]



My mom went that-a-way in a big bird.


All on a bike.

Left West Ashley at 11AM.

Business at Tax Assessor's office on Meeting.

Did passport stuff at post office on East Bay.

Lunch Med Deli with Nick.

Cut down tree, cut up tree for Nick.

Nap at 2 PM.

Total bike miles 18.



Mom has gone to Brisbane, AU.......

My mom is missing.
I'm in a bad mood.
My babysitter is a big idiot.
It's all about ME,ME, ME.
If I could bite someone on the ass I'd be in a better mood.

Thursday, October 19, 2006


Cheap Irish Labor

My friends Nick Herron, Kevin Kerns and Patrick Neeley are all real Irishmen. In fact, Nick was born in Ireland and has dual citizenship. These guys have all been a big help to me on various projects and in particular the BOAT PROJECT. Naturally, I need to repay them in some way and have hit on an ingenious plan. It all started when I bought Paddy a large bottle of Bushmill for helping on the boat. We had a few drinks [another advantage to giving an Irishman whiskey is they insist on sharing it with you] and Paddy left the bottle on the boat. A few weeks later Kevin changed my propeller on the boat and I figured "what the hell" and gave him the same bottle of whiskey and we shared a couple drinks and he left it on the boat. Today I ran into Nick and said, " I've got a bottle of Irish whiskey on the boat that I want you to have for being such a good friend." He seemed pleased.

What should I do: [ 1. ] go to confession, [2.] go straight to hell, [3.] buy a couple more bottles of Bushmill [4.] hope God has a sense of humor [5.] buy another boat?

Monday, October 16, 2006


No room for the kid......

My daughter Jennifer's car loaded to take her baby home from the hospital.

In the days when SUV's were still pickup trucks she came home as a baby and there was a brown paper bag with some diapers thrown in with the chain saws, axes, sledge hammers, gas mix, files and tools. You know; things to make a living with! I worked 5 hours the day she was born and 10 hours the next day. I had to pay for important things. Beer.

Did I mention we had to walk 5 miles to school in the snow? On second thought maybe that was my mom.


Just Married.......12 years ago!

My good friends, Art and Jenny Fuller were in Charleston for their 12th wedding anniversary.

When they got engaged Art brought Jenny a diamond and himself a motorcycle; She is still a young diamond and he's still an old Harley.

They have 9 grandchildren after just 12 years of marriage which must be some kind of Guinness Record.

Last night we had drinks [more than one and less than 200] at the Market Pavilion on the corner of Market and East Bay. I remember Jennifer or Art saying that their 4 month old grandson Arthur could say his ABC's backward which I thought was cool. Hmmmm........maybe they said that he was 4 year old? How about another vodka?

Today, Jenny purchased shoes at BOB ELLIS Shoe Store on King Street [I capitalize anyone's name who can charge those prices without pulling a gun]. I took Art on a pedicab ride.

Thursday, October 12, 2006


Did you know??????????

Breast feeding has a vocabulary all it's own. Did you know that cluster feeding [not to be confused with cluster f--k] describes when the baby is latched on and eats several times in a row with just a few minutes rest between feeding?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006



Tuesday, October 10, 2006


It's a girl............

Any volunteers to breast feed this little beauty? Actually, she is very sweet and is content to eat yogurt out of a cup. Another good thing, when you get tired of playing with her you can clap you hands and she plays dead.

Monday, October 09, 2006


The numbers.........

Jackson James Wallace
#1......It's a boy.
7 pounds, 10 ounces.
20.5 inches long
born 12:30 AM
Monday October 9th 2006


Call list

Jennifer needed someone to assist with the birth.

1. Friend Mary Schewiers: New York on school trip.
2. Sister Caroline: in West By-God Virginia drinking beer and watching Redskins play.
3. Mother: In Alabama to watch Arkansas beat the hell out of Auburn.
4. Sister Anne: Annapolis, Maryland being a boat bum.
5. Boy friend Clarke: bad cold.
6. King Street Bag Lady: passed out in back booth at Cumberlands.
7. Daughter Lulu: no dogs allowed in hospital.

AND................last person on list...........

Father Jim: front and center.


Broken water

When my daughterJennifer's water broke I was sailing in Charleston Harbor with my friends Jan, Kevin, Paddy and Kerry.

Odd were 50/50 that Jennifer's water would break when she was shopping for more stuff for her nest and this is just what happened at the check out line in Publix.

Thursday, October 05, 2006



Our new mascot for food and beverage..........

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