Friday, February 29, 2008


Universal Mystery

After Jack's bath last night, he was running around showing off his naked fanny. In the middle of his parade, he stopped to pee (urinate sounds too formal for a 16-month-old). In a house with 95% hardwood floors, why do these things always happen on the small area rug we have in the living room? Why is it that if a dog throws up, we always find the evidence on this rug? Why does a little water spill hit the hard wood, but spill your Blood Mary and it's all over that stupid rug?
Oh, Yeah........ Why does every plastic bowl I pull out of the cupboard have the lid missing? Why do I always get in line at the grocery, wait around for 10 minutes and some guys walks up and they open a new line for HIM? If I get the short line, why is it always behind some old lady who writes a check? Why do I always pick the slow lane on the cross town? Why is that if I'm wearing sandals, my socks have holes? I don't dare lone-out my jumper cables--I'll have a dead battery? AND..... when I finally luck up and get the new line, why do I forget my wallet at the register...okay, sometimes it a cell phone or keys? This is making me's a wonder I have any teeth left to grind.


Cave Man Wallace

I've been moving around slowly the last few days, kind of like a bear coming out of hibernation. This afternoon I finally scrambled to my feet, staggered out the cave and eased onto a bike. About a half a block down the street I suddenly realized I could NOT feel my fingers. No matter which higher power you believe in, frozen finger are a sign from above not to be ignored. Back to the cave. I got the thermostat turned up to 80F and the feeling is back in my hands. Better yet, Scooter has stopped shivering for the first time this winter. I just took a look at NOAA Weather and --okay, you Yankee's are going to laugh-- the temperature is 57F but with a gale blowing that is about 30 below on this Alabama Boy's wind chill chart. Got to go--time for a little snack and back to hibernation.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Hmmm...why am I feeling a little light headed this morning?

I babysat Jack the other day when his Grandmother was sick. It's surprising how well we mesh: 1. Same things for meals 2. both need some exercise--I walk, he pushes and is pulled on the new Big Green Plastic Worm 2. he wants to play with my toys--computer-- and I want to play with his toys--plastic truck 3. bathroom breaks--he does his on the run, and I hope it doesn't run too far 4. Naps--I have to hurry home if he starts his nap on the trail during our walk so I won't miss mine.

We do it all over again in the afternoon except that if it's nice we ride the pedicab around the neighborhood. With luck, we skip his big bathroom break, at least till his mom gets home. I was reading where a child's brain gets bigger as he gets older and how it's just the other way around for senior people--I figure Jack's brain and mine will be the same size by June.

Last night I had sushi and sake with a friend. Later we went to the VFW so my friend could sign the book for a drawing. We had a couple more drinks because they are so cheap. When I got home I wrote an e-mail. It was one of those you-write-but-don't-intend-to-send emails, but you know me....... Anyway, I went to the dentist this morning, almost bled to death due to thin blood but had a good check up. There were couple of fillings that he did in the past that have cracked and need to be fixed--he wasn't amused when I asked if this would be warranty work.


Friday, February 22, 2008


X-C ride 2008

I've sign up for a van supported cross country bike ride this summer from Astoria, Washington to St. Augustine, Florida. Total miles 4,700. Here are some of the cities on the route:
Astoria, OR - Start - meet on May 31 .... loop ride on June 1
Portland, OR - June 3
Walla Walla, WA - June 7
Lewiston, ID - June 9-10
Missoula, MT June 14 and 15
Great Falls, MT - June 19 and 20
Helena, MT - June 22
Billings, MT - June 27 and 26
Custer's Last Stand Battlefield - June 30
Devils Tower, WY - July 2
Keystone (Mt. Rushmore) - July 4
Rapid City, SD - July 5
Sioux City, IA - July 12 and 13
Dyersville, IA - July 18 and 19
Hannibal, MO - July 24
St. Louis, MO - July 26 and 27
Grand Rivers, KY - August 4 and 5
Tupelo, MS - August 11 and 12
Mobile, AL - August 18 and 19
Tallahassee, FL - August 24 and 25
St. Augustine, FL - August 30 and 31
This is pretty much a not-for-profit deal and about as cheap as you can get for van support and motels. They are also offering segments of this ride for people who can't ride all the way. I was trying to make up my mind about this trip when I came accross the photo above that Tom Robertson took in Eastern Washington when we were there a few years ago.


Thursday, February 21, 2008



We had nearly a month of heavy winds. Gale and small craft advisory almost everyday. Whenever I ride the bike I take into consideration the wind and it's effect on the ride in terms of time and effort. I met a guy the other day in a pizza joint in North Charleston who had his bike parked next to his outside table. We talked a lot about the wind. Later I realized that in spite of all the wind this was the first conversation I'd had on the subject. My conclusion: if you ride around all the time in a steel box back and forth between a cement office and brick home, you may have lost touch with somthing as basic as wind.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Sad but true.....

My friend William has a small mom and pop regrind business near Birmingham. He and his wife grind up scrap plastic to re-sell. It's a lot of low margin, hard work, and when he realized that wooden pallets that would cost more than $8 a piece to replace were missing, he started to get concerned. Later William caught a couple guys in back of his shop loading more of his pallets on a U-Haul Truck. When William turned to go back in his building to call the sherriff, the crooks tried to run him over with the truck. He was hit and knocked into a ditch. William managed to get the truck's tag number, and they were caught in a few minutes. Turned out the guys in the truck were charged with 3rd degree burgulary and out on bond before William got home from the emergency room. Since he has no medical insurance, William will have to pay his medical bills. Worse, he is also paying to bond out the crooks since they used money from the sale of his stolen pallets to post bond. Here is the crazy part: if 60 Minutes happened to do a segment on this story, the storyline would be sympathic to the crooks since it would be politically incorrect to do anything else.


Monday, February 18, 2008


Tour-on season kicks off

Bike Taxi and Pedicab Man were off and running this weekend with South Eastern Wildlife Expo. This is the start of touron season here in Charleston, South Carolina. Near as I can tell, the expo is an opportunity for people to pay money to get into events which are designed to sell them something--PT Barnam lives on.

Thursday, February 14, 2008


Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valantines Day and also a happy birthday to my sister Jan who is 10 years younger than me-- she must have turned 40.


For the birds

They are back so it must be nearly springtime. Scooter is excited because it's something else he can run out of the yard or up a tree.
It beats me how these little guys can keep showing up every year and do so without governmental support? No health care program, no free housing, no meals on wheels--how do they survive? Could it be that reverse evolution is taking place? Creatures with small brains have freedom. Mean time, their large brained cousins are turning more and more of their freedom over to a power based in Washington DC. Will the real bird brains step forward, please?


Sunday, February 10, 2008


Hmmmmm......meaty breath

I went to the Low Country Paddler's oyster roast on Saturday night. In case you're not familiar with this group they are a bunch of middle aged and older people, who paddle around in kayaks looking for a place to pee. They make fun of me cause I'm the nut who paddles backward--at least I have a pee cup. There were great oysters and tables full of other food at the event. Good turn out, they have over 200 members. I drank a few beers.

Got home about 8:30. Did I mention the few beers? Jennifer left a tin of breath mints on the kitchen counter and I had a couple. They were quite good. It wasn't till the next morning that I noticed they were Merry Mints for doggone fresh breath; the ORIGINAL dog breath mint. Main ingredient: Pork Liver! The upside; at least I didn't eat a hot dog, hamburger or God forbid Spam. I was thinking about blaming it all on Scooter, but when I gave him one of the mints he licked it once and walked away--now, Jennifer thinks I should eat that one too. Even worse, we never seems to be able to throw out useless stuff, so these mints will be around forever and you guessed it, I'll have a few beers a year from now and........


Thursday, February 07, 2008


The star drug:

Mr. Heath Ledger didn't have a disease or injury. He was being treated, by his so called doctors, for symptoms--couldn't sleep, anxiety etc. To treat these symptoms, he should have traded all his Star Power Drugs for natural drugs--endorphins. Instead of seeing doctors he should have gone for a long run. Instead of picking up pills, at the pharmacy, he should have done Yoga. Yea, but what the hell, it's a lot easier to take a pill and there is a whole lot less sweat.....right?

It's not fashionable to say so but most doctors are just pill pushers, who know very little about good health or if they do they are keeping it to themself. Only Heath Ledger could have fixed Heath Ledger. Wake up--only you can fix you.

Monday, February 04, 2008


Giant Upset

I was shocked........The Super bowl was another reminder of why they play the games; just cause all us experts say it's so doesn't mean it's so. Why New England showed up at such a big game without their offense is a mystery to me. The guy masquerading as Tom Brandy was up and down so many times he should change his name to Yoyo. Who would have believed that a 18-1 season would be a disappointment? was a great game.

Sunday, February 03, 2008


Super Prediction......

I'm pulling for New York because Eli Manning was an SEC quarterback. New England will win going away. All the hype associated with this event guarantees it will not live up to expections. To be blunt, it should be called the Suck Bowl. The only possible super thing about the game might be a commerical and even those have been crappy the last few years. Your admittion price is the same as last year; a bad case of acid reflux and a little bigger ass from being a buffet pig.


Friday, February 01, 2008


Why women live longer than men.

Women live longer than men because they do Yoga. The Yoga sessions give women more core strength, flexibility, leg strength and arobic fitness. Not to mention the meditative aspects which reduce stress. Right about now your thinking my women don't do none of that Yoga shit. Wrong again Sherlock. Take a Yoga lesson one week and the next week clean the house. You'll find out both activities have a lot of bending over, streching out, sitting up, getting on your hands and knees, pushing up, side to side motion etc. So while hubby is sitting on his ever expanding ass, mom is doing Yoga/house cleaning. That, my friends, is why a lot of guys are in that big lounge chair in the sky [DEAD] and the little lady is still parading around the mall--spending his money.

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