Thursday, January 31, 2008
How to pick a friend?
Uncle Bill's son Tom told me that he and his wife Ruth figure that if someone doesn't like Seinfeld reruns they probably won't make very good friends. He's right. If you don't get the same kind of humor what's the point in hanging out?
I have my own short cut to picking friends. I say to a potential friend, "When I want to check my resting heart rate I take my daughter's Pikeneese, Lulu, for a walk." If you 'get it' you know something about dogs and or exercise. Maybe you even have a sence of humor. We have something in common; let's be friends.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Dog tails
- Lulu, Scooter and I were taking a nap, on my office couch, the other day. Lulu's snoring has become meditative to me so I was startled when she started crying in her sleep. I felt sorry for her and woke her up. She growled at me --I wouldn't want to meet whatever scares that bitch in her dreams.
- Every once in awhile Scooter likes to cop a sniff of Lulu's back side--it's a dog thing. Lulu was swishing her ass back and forth down the Greenway today and there was Scooter with his nose about an inch off her ass. His head keeping pace with her back side like a horizontal metronome. I cracked up.
- Scooter can run up to a large oak tree, lift his leg --getting extra points for style-- and miss the tree. Nor even close is what I'm talking about. He never hits anything but the ground in spite of being right next to a bush, garbage can, car tire, fence, telephone pole etc. I'm saying the boy can't hit the side of a barn! There is one exception, every once in awhile Lulu wanders in too close and get a yellow bath ---it really pisses Jennifer off when this happens. My fear of being growled at keeps me from laughing out loud. If confronted about my smile I tell a little white lie.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Affordability
The mortgage insanity made it possible for people to buy homes they could not afford, which in turn inflated the cost of houses in general. Now the push is on to bail out the irresponsible lenders and buyers who have made it impossible for people with average-incomes to buy average-homes in average-towns without being WAY ABOVE AVERAGE IN DEBT.
I say:
1. No government bail out.
2. Let the irresponsible bastards go under.
3. It's time for some deflation.
4. Let personal financial sanity return -- affordable homes with no more than a 15-20 year mortgage.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Screwed and tattooed
There was a forecasted big drop in the stock market this morning. Do you think some little guy sitting at home could go online and make a trade? Hell no. I guess all the servers are on overload but you can bet the big traders are getting their trades.
I just threw in the towel, gave up the ghost, passed the buck, fought the good fight, left in a lurch, bit the dust, shook it off, took a pass, blew my cool and took Jack on a hour and 15 minute buggy ride.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Martin Luther King Day
The people in the Mid-East could learn some lessons from ML King on a better way to solve conflicts. We are a luckly nation.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Rain or shine
Crap weather here today. I told one of my friends from Alabama that I was taking an off day from exercise. A little later, I heard mail hit the floor from the letter drop. Darn, if a semi-government employee can get out in this stuff what kind of wimp would lay around the house? So the next time the rain let up jack and I head out. Jack got a nice nap, in the stroller, and Grandpa got a one hour walk/run. Got a little damp but otherwise had a great time.
All this reminds me of the college student who use to live with us. She would leave for school and hour early in order to park her car and catch the shuttle from the back parking lot to her first class. She could have walked in 20 minutes or rode a bike in 15--it's less than 1.5 miles from
the house.
What this country needs is some $10 a gallon gas to get folks off their ass or at least in a car pool.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Jim's election year lotto
Election LOTTO:How to Enter: Just write your 5 luck numbers, with a magic marker, on a $20 dollar bill and mail to me. If you're feeling awful damn luckly, or are very stupid, include your return address.
Prize: There is only one prize, which we call the GRAND PRIZE.
GRAND PRIZE: You get all the things Presidential Politicans have promised this election year and can deliver.
NOTE: Not feeling lucky with this bunch of pols? Then just send $10 Bucks to me, call at a later date and I'll give you one million in FREE advice, including who to vote for in November.
Labels: GRAND PRIZE can you say BIG FAT ZERO
A little nap
I was fixing my running shoes with a little Liquid Nail and had a few drinks to off-set the fumes from the glue.
This blog is two years old
Second year of operation for this blog. On the left is the first picture published on January 16, 2006 and other one I took this morning. Actually, these pictures show Scooter 4 years apart since I took the first one in 2004. Other than a little grey he seems the same to me. Well, he has filled out a little and his wardrobe is a little tight these days, but that's cause he's become a real stud. One thing that hasn't changed is our relationship. That's the great thing about dogs, there is never any drama. Maybe a little throw-up on the couch but if they'll lick it up what's the harm?
Labels: Happy Birthday Blog....you too dog
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Ayatollah Insaneee has a mission for you
Did the world end?
Looking for a little motivation to run this morning Scooter and I drove down to Folly Beach. Why is the beach empty at 10 AM? Normally, Scooter will run down to the beach but why did he run out a few yards and come back? When I stepped out from behind the Holiday Inn into a 40 degree, 30 mph northeast wind, both questions were answered.
Labels: damn right.........I whimped out
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Choices: Peanut Man 2006 and 2008
I get a lot of email jokes making fun of eating right and staying in shape. The reality ain't so funny.
Labels: adult diabetes is tough stuff
On the town
Went to Oak Steakhouse last night with friends---that's right, I still have a couple friends. I had grilled calamari, mashed potatoes, Caesar's salad and roasted beets. The food was good. My two friends had meat and one vegetable each. Total bill was $250.00, including tip and about half was for drinks. Thirty-cents worth of Absolute vodka and 3 olives cost $8 bucks --I had a couple of these.
Our waiter, who looked about 40 years old--he looked older after the Absolutes--let us know he is a struggling college student. Right, and I'm a 1986 high school drop-out too stupid to know the difference between a struggling college student and a over-the-hill professional server.
Labels: I told him I ride Bike Taxi and he didn't believe me either
Friday, January 11, 2008
The age of reason
Jack is 15 months old, which is the perfect age. He talks, but I can't understand what he is saying--probably a good thing. I talk and he listens --a great thing. I go on and on about politics, religion and relationships, and he just smiles and makes the occassional comment in a positive tone of voice. What could be better?
For being such a good listener I give him a million dollars worth of free advice every day... Lucky kid.
For being such a good listener I give him a million dollars worth of free advice every day... Lucky kid.
For Men Tutorial: How to Change a Dirty Diaper
Items needed for task (be sure all materials meet rigid industrial standards):
1. one clean diaper.
2. two washtubs filled with luke warm water --galvanized or plastic will work fine.
3. heavy duty plastic sheet, 8x10 feet--here is an area you might want to upgrade, say to a trucking tarp.
4. four large, heavy-duty garbage bags stuffed into each other (the cheap way), but preferably one bio hazard drum.
5. wet wipes--2213 of these is about right.
6. one gallon each chlorox, vinegar and industrial-grade bio disinfectant.
7. two bio hazard suits like those pictured.
8. saltine crackers, ginger ale and Alka Seltzer --for the dehydration and headache you'll get from throwing up.
Directions: Assemble all items in the backyard. If it's cold, use the garage. If you must make the change in the house, don't bitch about having to wear the bio suit to watch TV (this is why two bio suits are required). Say a prayer--something like, "Please, God, let some woman, any woman, come along and take pity on my sorry ass and get this job done." If your prayer isn't answered, you are in deep doo-doo... Okay, I can't go on with this because the first dirty I tried to change, there was shit to the knees, and I had to call 911 and bail out. So I've given you all you need to do the job--you're on your own.
Labels: DO NOT CALL ME
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Lucky shot
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Hard to catch Douggy Dolphin on a breach. Enlarge photo and you can see the WWII aircraft carrier USS Yorktown behind the sailboats. If Douggy can talk no one would listen. All the power boats go by at warp speed and I row by busy with my GPS, cell phone, heart monitor and Ipod.Monday, January 07, 2008
Beemer Boat News
This ship is fresh from Europe loaded with BMW automobiles. I always wondered if one of the guys who drives cars off the ship just kept going? I got a long, get out the way blast from this boat when I got close enough to hear and feel the engines. I believe the road bed of the bridge is about 130 feet off the water.Nothing to say
This is a picture of Jack and his best friend Tommy, who is two years old, taken about 6 weeks ago.
I didn't have anything to say this morning but couldn't stand that pic of John Edwards on top of my Blog so I posted this picture -- which is a lot better. I could have deleted the Edwards post but then my picture would have been on top which is worse. I could have put up a picture of Scooter or Lulu but one of them ate some acorns this morning and threw up in my office, since neither will confess both are on my s--t list. I could have made some comments about the debates in NH yesterday but Monday is depressing enough. I could have talked about our wonderful weather but didn't want to jinks the deal. I could have told you about Jennifer getting the last word on me 3 times yesterday and you would laugh but I'd get depressed. So......you get a pic of a couple cute kids, enlarge it and make your day.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
John Edwards and the double duh!
I promised myself to stay out of politics but couldn't pass this by:
John Edwards' TV spot here in SC announces he is from SC and that his people worked in the textile industry until those evil old corporations sent all those good pay jobs overseas . If elected president, he will bring all those great jobs back home.
Hmmm......can you say lint head? Does brown lung ring any bells? Just who in this country does John think wants to work in a textile mill? Do I have to remind you that what little piece work that's being done in the US today is done by illegal aliens? John Edwards is not a dumb man, but he sure as hell must think the people of SC are idiots or at the very least don't know anything about the textile industry. If we start making shirts in this country, they will cost about five hundred dollars each, but that's no problem because John can afford them --CAN YOU?
Labels: I'm just voting NO
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Happy Birthday
Now days even when I wildly exaggerate my age, say take off 10 years, it's still OLD. At least I'm not quite to the point of bragging about how old I am.
Labels: 55 really ain't that bad
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Ice Age
Scooter thinks a new Ice Age is coming so I had to explains the situation to him:
A Monark Butterfly named Hank flapped into some fermented rag weed in Oklahoma, had a wild night. Hung over the next morning, Hank heads north against all the other Monarks , who fly south this time of year, causing a conflagration of molecules. At that exact moment the Greenland Ice Pack released a big berg causing an opposing conflagration of molecules. The result, of these two seeming unrelated events , is what we scientist call a minus zero cyclonic F--k up. In other words a cold spell. Turn out there is a vacuum hole in the atmosphere funneling cold air directly from the North Pole to Charleston, SC and if that damn Hank will just start flying south again we'll go back to hot and humid weather. In the mean time, I'm sitting around the house protecting my bald head with my watch cap while Scooter shivers under two or three blankets.
