Wednesday, April 30, 2008


Bike 30...where are you?

One of our guys--who doesn't work for us anymore--left a bike taxi outside the French Quarter Inn at about 2:00AM. While he was upstairs at a party someone stole the bike and 3 radios, valued at about $6k. Looked like to me the thief just wanted a ride to his car which was probably parked somewhere behind Harris Teeter about 1 mile away. The bike was found by the Port Authority Police a short time later in this area. NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT? Guy takes a short ride on a bike, abandons the bike, police find the bike--what could be simpler? WRONG! Here is what happened next: 1. Idiot rider reports bike missing. 2. It's a slow night so Charleston City Police mount a 4 police car search which lasts for several hours and goes in ever expanding circles from the French Quarter. 3. by daylight, City Police have pretty much lost interest. 4. Big John goes to work at the Bike Taxi shop at 9:30 and notices a bike and radios are missing. He reports this fact to management. 5. Management mounts their own search which lasts about 48 hours. 6. Fifty Six hours after the bike is stolen one of the Port Authority officials finds a yellow bike taxi in his parking space inside their garage and says, "What the f--k is this yellow thing doing in my GD parking spot?" 7. Some pee-on at the Port Authority is charged with getting it the hell out of the way. 8. After a few hours it occures to the pee-on that maybe he should call the phone number listed in 4 inch letter on the side of the cab--now we're finally getting somewhere.
Anyway, it was a good excuse for me to get some extra miles of training in for my ride this summer which I did street by street by street. Yawn.


Sunday, April 27, 2008


Another season...

It's hard to grow grass around here...too much shade and sandy soil. The only houses which don't have bare spots in the lawns have one thing in common...we don't rake the leaves. Grass likes mulch...leaves and grass clippings are mulch.
Hey, if people want to do all the extra work fine with me, but I don't like having to pay the city to haul good stuff to the dump. Also, the chemical fertilizer they use gets into the run off...probably not a good thing.
Spring has sprung and I've done my yearly bitch about the grass. Life goes on.

Friday, April 25, 2008


Weather report...

When I walked the dogs this morning I saw these two guys. Sometimes you don't need words to describe the weather.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


A touch of civilization...

Don't get me wrong, I love it here in Charleston but my friend Marty might be right....this place was settled by English Tories and isn't the REAL south. Charleston crazies did fire the first shot at the Yankee Invaders, who occupied Fort Sumner. However, in hind site that may have been a BIG mistake--do you think? Maybe the problem is there are to damn many damn Yankees settling around here these days? Too much 'soda pop' and 'you guys' floating around town. Sometimes I find myself needing a old south fix. When I do, I just ride my bike east on the West Ashley Greenway, look up and there it is...Beat Bama!


Tuesday, April 22, 2008



Riding from The Market up State Street in Charleston I can feel a nose bleed coming on from the elevation gain--at the State Street Pass the elevation is 12 feet above sea level. I'm not sure why, but somehow riding this router every day on the bike taxi doesn't seem to be getting me in shape for the mountains I'll be riding out west this summer? Maybe I should be riding over the Cooper River Bridge? Problems is every time I look at the thing I want to take a nap.

Sunday, April 20, 2008


just Jack

Jackson James Wallace has his own blog at:


The boy can jump...

For a little guy Scooter can off the ground. I found his new favorite throw toy on the street near Liberty Square--it probably belonged to a lab who left it in the back of his truck where it blew out. Luckly us; poor lab.


Bike Biz

PCM meets some nice folks from Michigan--Tommy Bahama and I appreciate their business. The bike taxi biz has been hot and cold depending on the weather; when it's hot we're hot when it's not we're not. Along with other variables such as Home & Garden Tours, Norwegian Cruise Line docking and spring breaks, we never know what to expect. One Thursday everyone working made big money so the next Thursday by 10:00 AM all the bike taxis, pedicabs and rickshaws were on the road and it was DOA; with-in 3 hours most of them went home for a nap.


Friday, April 18, 2008


Off to a fast start....

This guy's share of the national debt is $175,000.00, thanks to those idiots in Washington. Shame on them! Shame on us for electing them!


Thursday, April 17, 2008 are in good hands....

Katrina is costing us between 100 and 200 billion dollars. FEMA may have got a late start but they have opened up the bank and are handing out money by the fist full....can you say front-end loader. I have friends who had roof and water damage--covered by insurance-- and some loss of income who are getting $90K in relief...plenty of money for that European Vacation.

I see three problems: 1. It's morally corrupt to pay victims of one tragedy large amounts of relief money and not pay ALL victims. If your going to be in a disaster be sure it a high profile one or you're shit out of luck. Just ask anyone who has lost their house to fire. 2. We are using borrowed money to pay for this relief and no one ever mentions the cost of interest on this money or how and when it will be paid back. It's INSANE...WE ARE NOT PAYING FOR THIS...OUR KIDS ARE! 3. What the hell ever happened to personal responsibility???



Big Sky Country....River of Ice

You gotta click on this picture......... My friend Tom Robertson sent me this photo of Glacier National Park that his friend took about a week ago. Tom's Dad, Uncle Bill, has been trying to get me to go on a bike ride in this part of Montana. This picture may do the trick. It makes a great screen saver.


Wednesday, April 16, 2008



TV is crap but started with a lot of promise. In the old days of TV you got some news, sports and a few funny programs. It gave you something to do between books or talking to friends. That's not to say we still don't get some funny tv programs, trouble is it's the same one--Andy Griffith. Email also started out with a lot of promise particularly as a way to keep up with friends and family and to do business. It seems to have degenerated into junk mail, stupid jokes and information you would pay not to get. Surely, you've gotten the stupid joke from Fred in Denver? You know... the one he sent to his accountant, who forwarded to his old school chum, who sent it to his cousin in New Jersey, who cc it to a customer in Florida, who sent it to her uncle in St. Louis, who forwarded it to his hairdresser in Tuscumbia, who sent it to aka John. You know John? The guy who sends you emails you don't want to read? You remember him? The person who sends you stupid jokes, xxx rate pic's, chain letters, prayer requests and crappy videos! Of course you don't know many kids does he have, is he married, favorite movie, sports he likes --oh, maybe not true, remember those nude volleyball pic's--his favorite charity, what books he's likes or if he has a pet? Today, most email isn't about developing or keeping up with old friends it about CRAP-OLA. I got a video the other day showing middle aged women doing stupid things and in every clip someone was getting hurt; apparantly seeing people get bruises, sprained ankles, dislocated shoulders, black eyes and hurt feelings is funny to someone up the fwd, fwd, fwd chain? Is it just me, or have we had enough of this trash?

Monday, April 14, 2008


Sandford and daughter......

We need about a 50 foot fence between the garage and the house to keep in Jack and the dogs. Jennifer and her mom drove the 10 hour round trip to Alabama to get this beauty. No one seems to care what I think about this project, which is probably a good thing. Would have told them what I think anyway but was speechless. It really is a nice old fence, problem is they'll need to find someone who knows what they are doing and willing to work for about $2.00 and hour to pull the project off for less that the national debt. I've tried to be clear about my involvement with this project; I AIN'T F--KING WITH IT...right but somehow I was roped into helping unload the thing. Maybe when Jack gets 18 he can take it on as a Eagle Scout project or something. Things were much easier in the old days; just weld a few junk cars together and voila...a cool fence.


Sunday, April 13, 2008


Bike Biz...I'm coming back as a oak tree.

Irish John and Big John at St. Michael's Church. Four signers of the US Constitution are buried in the cemetery of this church. Most days they look better than Irish John.

I picked up $15 off the street in front of a hotel and asked Allen, a seventy something bellmen, if it was his. He said yes, but turned a red in the face when another bellman came out and asked if we found any money--you'd think you could trust an old guy.

Saturday was a BIG I had over 500 pounds in the cab at least 5 times, not to mention 2 or 3 knee replacements--I'm beginning to think the whole country needs to loose weight. Did 5 or 6 rides to 108 Murry for a Home and Garden deal, which is about a 5 mile round trip from the Market. Last night, between leg cramps, I ate a box of cookies--I love the biker diet.

I told all the hotel people we were going to start making airport runs. When they gave me the side ways look I added, "Of course the customer is going to have to provide their own tent and if they have a flight tomorrow morning you better get their butts down here so we can get started."

In the mornings, on the way to work, my bike tires turn yellow from the pollen. It's a hay fever nightmare. You've heard of the red curtain? We got the yellow curtain. The oak trees around here are sex pigs.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


I have a headache...

This is Scooter. Scooter is a Terrier. Terriers like to hump. I had a few drinks the other night and did a Google Search for Doggy Sex Toys. Trouble is these doggy porn sites aren't perverted enough to have people legs. Not only are we looking for a sex toy leg...Scooter doesn't like left legs; so we are looking for a specific toy.... doggy humper RIGHT leg. Oh yea, it needs to be one he can't chew up or there will be pieces of fake leg all over the house or Lulu might drag it into the yard--the shame of it all. Maybe I should write Anne Landers?


Friday, April 11, 2008



I was reading another blog. It has a kind of academic theme and appears to be put together by someone who works at or goes to the College of Charleston. There was a question on logic as it relates to writing computer code. Abraham Lincoln was quoted as part of the answer; "If i were given 8 hours to chop down a tree, i’d spend the first 7 hours sharpening my axe.” The point being to have a plan thought out before starting to write code.

This got me to thinking about the different generations? Of course the main difference is all the young people today are dead beats-- just kidding. Seriously, when I was kid Abe's quote had a simple meaning to most working folks; keep your axe sharp, because a dull axe would wear your ass out and The Man would put you on the road if ya couldn't keep up.

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Thursday, April 10, 2008


Brave girl

This little lady and her husband are visitors from Denver. She said if Idaho was an ocean she wouldn't have to come so far to see one. They don't have a lot of money but sometimes you need to break down and take a vacation anyway. We became good friends in a short time. I'm going to say a prayer for her tonight and hope she has a miracle cure for her cancer.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008


Old man eats dust.....

Mary Odom was a graduate assistant in Jennifer's office at The Citadel. Mary and I have become biking buddies. We did a 40-mile ride around James Island and Folly Beach today. We were in luck--the wind was less than gale force for a change. Mary can drop me like a bad habit on a hill, but I always felt we were compatible on the flats. Right. I was doing a good job keeping up with her today until I pulled up beside her and saw her phone was out. Jeez.....I'm working like a dog and this kid is sending text messages?! Well, bet I can lift more, no, no that is not a challenge.

Mary is off to Texas A&M this fall for her doctorate. Jennifer, Jack and I will miss her.


Monday, April 07, 2008


I'm still laughing.......

I picked up a couple elder lady turons, from up north, who were going on a House and Garden Tour. One of the ladies was very very smart; after being in Charleston for only two hours she knew more about the town than I've learned in 4 years. Since she never seemed to stop talking I was impressed she could know so much...

We pulled up at #1 Pitt Street where their tour started. The old guy who lives next door was just leaving in his SUV which was parked on the street. When he pulled forward and was bought to a stop by a pile of trash my old ladies looked over and laughed at him. I think it pissed him off because he backed up, got a running start, and took out that pile of trash. He scattered sawed off boards, cardboard boxes and leaves all over the street for about a half a block. When he rounded the corner onto Beaufein Street you could still hear and see the big oak limb which got stuck under his car. I was laughing so hard I forgot to give the talker her change.

Saturday, April 05, 2008


Lassie returns..

That idiot Timmy is lost again and probably in the well but Lassie aka Scooter will find him--our hero.

Friday, April 04, 2008


You knew there had to be one...

Day before race say: The whole back of this truck opens up into a grill making it the World's and maybe the universes largest grill. It takes a whole pallet of charcoal to get this baby fired up. It's located, this week-end, at Marion Square for the Cooper River Bridge Run. Depending on the weather, we may have 30,000 runners this year. This truck almost makes me want one of the pig ear, cow utter, pig snout things--they call them Brats in Chicago.
click picture to get a better look
Race Day: Got to work at 9:30 AM, made a few rides and got out before the rain. Over 40k ran the race, not including scabs. The last vehicle on the road, before it was reopened, was a street sweeper; cool idea. Lots of people run the race, get drunk and are back to their hotel by 1:00 pm for a nap. Business should be good again tomorrow, lots of tired legs not to mention about 40 thousand hang-overs.


Thursday, April 03, 2008


Maybe a good deal or bad deal but was not a discussed deal.

Everyone who knows me, knows I'm not liberal and probably consider me just a little right of Genghis Khan so my criticism of Corporate Welfare may come as a surprise. Did you know that our federal government took on thirty billion worth of loans as part of the Bears Stearns BAIL-OUT? Did this bit of entertainment even make the front page of your liberal newspaper--actually not very surprising since based on their other views it's obvious they have no concept of economics?
Why is it a news media that gives countless hours to a California homicide can barely make room for this story--I know, give em what they want?
Now we can have a economic course entitled Getting in Bed with the Feds with the sub-title Elimination of Risk the New Way! If your going to socialize the banking system what does it do to your argument against socialize medicine?
Look...I'm not taking sides on this issue. It's just disappointing we let Elite Government Employees make these calls with-out public discussion.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


Miss No Smoking...

Let me ask you really need a No Smoking sign on a hundred thousand gallons of gas? Can anyone be that dumb?

"Hey Bubba, I thank I go out cheer and pull a weed. Maybe them there astronuts wool see the fire ball from space! What-sha thank?"

click on picture to read sign


Tuesday, April 01, 2008


The big boys.......

PCM and his cousin Buster--can you say Beasts-of-Burden? We're commiserating on the size of asses we have to haul around.... not to mention our own--can you say two hundred tons of turon? Are ya feeling the pain, yet? The best tip we got all week was, "Don't buy Microsoft."


Girls night out... so Grandpa hung around and did all the mom stuff. We like this outfit but his mother wasn't impressed with our selection.

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