Sunday, March 30, 2008


Cold wind kills bike business

Here is a picture of my friend, Big John, taken at the Sea and Shell, in the Market, this morning. After a few nice days the weather turned to crap again. My theory: too damn many Yankees in town which creates a thermal vortex causing a tunnel of cold air from Canada to blow into Charleston--I should be on the Weather Channel. I worked a couple hours visiting hotels; no calls, no dispatches, no flag downs....went home for a nap.

Did you know Charleston, SC has the largest continuous Historic District in the world after Rome--that's not Rome, Georgia, Bubba?


Friday, March 28, 2008


We're back...

The Bike Taxi business is in full bloom. Lots of folks in town for spring break and the Home and Garden Tours. We got busy today, so busy I didn't have anyone available to pick up these two ladies and had to ride from Poogan's Porch
to the Maritime Center and do it myself--this long of a haul is usually not necessary because someone will be closer to take the dispatch. These nice ladies are from St. Louis and on vacations with friends.

Today, I made $20 on my first ride and $15 on the second, then had to work my ass off on about 5 rides to double up. I tell people, when they get out of the cab, to send their friends to Charleston and tell them to bring plenty of the green stuff, cause we just poor folks and need all the help we can get. What I don't tell them is after they spend all their green they should take their Yankee ass back home--pronto.

I'll be sore and slow in the morning, but a few weeks riding like today will have me in fighting shape.


Wednesday, March 26, 2008


She's back in town...

Carolbelle is back in town from WVA--West By God Virginia. After a canceled flight and lost luggage and no booze, Caroline Raye Wallace finally arrived in Charleston at 8:30 PM. she had been scheduled to arrive at 2:23 PM and she was pissed-off, not to mention Jennifer who was waiting at the airport. Stay tuned for the un-folding story that will be recounted after we recover from 3 pitchers of Margaritas.



Grandmother arrested with Homeland Security device..

Jack's Grandmama visited with her family in San Francisco last week. She brought back two bottles of wine in her checked suitcase. The wine was opened by Homeland Security, a fact made clear by the tape used to re-pack which had "Inspected by Homeland Security" written on it. Let's get this right: Homeland Security goes to the trouble of taking a grandmother's suitcase, unpacking it, opening up wrapped up wine, looking at the bottles and neatly repacking the wine, using federal employees, making federal wages and getting federal benefits? Did it ever occur to these people that grandmama may have been smart enough to put whatever it was they thought she was hiding inside a wine bottle and reseal the bottle? Why did they check on a grandmama in the first place? Yea, I know... political correctness? Just in case you think there is some sanity in all this, think again: Those idiots at Homeland Security left their Stanley box cutters in grandmama's suitcase!!! I think grandma should return the box cutters by booking a return flight and carrying them back on the flight in her purse--I'll carry the video camera.


Monday, March 24, 2008



Colder than well-digger here in Charleston, SC this morning, not to mention a 20 mph Southeast wind. A person would have to be insane to be out bike riding.......maybe that's why I felt right at home on my recumbent.
Did 20 miles. When I stopped for a drink of water and put my helmet on the ground it blew across the road--Redneck Wind Gage. Five miles into the headwind and I was ready to ride the thumb. Uncle bill would love it--ha,ha.

Sunday, March 23, 2008


He'll wear your ass out....period.

I watched Jack on Wednesday and Thursday afternoons last week. The boy worn me out. My normal bedtime is about 11:00 PM but I was in bed before 10:00 both nights. Mowing lawns for a living would be easier work.
He has two speeds; 1. stop which means sleep and 2. full speed ahead.
I tell his mom, "You better not be wearing your sandals, he'll out run your ass to the street. This is a wear your running shoes kid!"
The good news; after running with the old man all day he bagged out early in the evening and slept 12 hours both nights.



Talk is cheap....Just because we WANT to leave doesn't solve the problem.

If you are voting for Obama or Hillary because they promise to bring the troops home you don't know your political ABC's. So here is a lesson:

A. Job One for the federal government is security.

B. We have an enemy who would like to nuke New York.

C. If there is EVER a link between the troops coming home early and an attack on the United States--taking their eye off the A and B ball--the party responsible can kiss their Washington asses goodbye for years, maybe forever.

The Democrat Congress knows these ABC's and have NOT ended funding for the war--BREAKING THEIR campaign PROMISE. Obama and Clinton will do the same.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


At least I didn't have a hang-over.

I took this picture the other day of a couple dead beat Irishmen--actually it's my friend Nick Herron and his dad. What's in their cups got them in their cups.

The day before yesterday I made $39 bucks on 7 long rides--normally it would have been over $80. I ended up doing 25 miles on the 7 rides. Things got off to a bad start when I picked up a couple of very nice, very large ladies from Southern Indiana at Lodge Alley Inn and delivered them to Fort Sumner Tours. They could NOT get out of the cab. NO SHIT. Those two fannies were stuck tight and neither had the upper body strength to shake free. What to do: 1. walk away or 2. jump in the middle of all that quivering flesh and pry them apart? Yea...I had to do what had to be done and all for a $2 tip. Next time those girls got to grease up before getting in my cab. After the pry-out I heard a funny noise in the cabs rear end--it got me to thinking it was good thing the ICC didn't check that load.

Things seemed to get better when a skinny lady--she was probably normal weight but my senses were a little messed up at this point-- and her young daughter flagged me down. I was thinking that after the fat ride these guys should go for free--little did I know. They jumped in. I pulled out. BANG....the rear chain fell to the ground. In the end, the lady sat on the bike and steered, her daughter was in the passenger seat and Pedicab Man push them 3 blocks to the barn. We changed bikes and headed to the Visitors Center where they were too late for their tour. Stupid me...I wouldn't take their money.

MY DAY: bad luck of the Scottish on Irish Hang-Over Day.



Luck of the Irish...

We're having North Dakota Summer here in Charleston, which is lows in 40s and highs near 70 with plenty of wind. I took this picture at the Harris Titter our only downtown supermarket.

Earlier, I spent sometime riding the Bike Taxi around with my Irish friend as passanger looking for his car. He forgot where he parked his car on St. Paddy Day--this happens a lot. He kept saying, "I can't believe I lost my car. Do you suppose someone stole it? I'm never never going to drink again and that, my friend, is a promise!" When we finally found the car he smiled and said, "Thanks a lot mate, how about I buy us a drink?"


Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Pedicab Man tries to sell a CD.

On St. Patrick's Day there is a parade in downtown Charleston featuring the usually suspects; old cars, pretty girls, bead throwers, marching bands and lots of green. The parade ends at the Hibernia Society on Meeting Street. It's here that the bagpipe marching band plays a tune that is in keeping with their Celtic tradition--click picture on right for better view of band and Charlestons refurbished City Hall.. When they finished we all clapped --drunks with stupid green hats seemed to be the most enthusiastic clappers.
On reflection, I wonder if we were clapping for a well done ditty or because the band had STOPPED PLAYING? I mean how much bagpiping can the average person take? I'm betting most people will start going for their guns in less than 5 minutes! Later on, I mentioned this theory to women who reminded me of a bag lady dressed in green and she allowed how she just LOVED bagpipe music..... hmmmm. Maybe I was wrong? My observation was bought back to life when I offered her a CD featuring all the old bagpipe favorites for only two bucks and she declined the deal.


Friday, March 14, 2008


In the name of GOD.......

Why are people surprised by Obama's preacher? Ultra left wing people, both black and white, have been saying these kind of things for years. The story of the CIA creating AIDS is not new. Saying 911 was a US plot is not new. Denial of the Holocaust is not new. All this stuff is old hat.

Here is something to think about: 1. do we hold Catholic politicians responsible for the priests who molested children? 2. Do we hold Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Mike Huckbee responsible when their preachers said that millions and maybe billions of people who didn't believe what they preached are going to BURN IN HELL? 3. Ultra left and ultra right religions are all dangerous--can you say Taliban?

Look, I believe there are plenty of reasons not to vote for Obama but having a nutty preacher isn't a good one.



It's the!

Dangerous behavior seems to be curse for many of us....mainly men. Why did Elliott Spitizer do what he did? I don't think he has the answer himself. He would probably say something like, I don't know what I was thinking when I did it. Maybe men like Elliott, Bill and Ted are just horny old goats following up on some basic animal behavior? I have a different theory:
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and I would be first to say, "Guilty as charged." I know why I do stupid's the adrenaline rush. Running around on a bike, in and out of traffic ain't smart. I keep promising myself I'll stop but man do I love the rush. I think the guys mentioned above get a "drug fix" from their stupid behavior and end up living for that rush. Think about it, why would a guy like Steve Fossett keep doing what he did until it killed him? Why would the President of the United States do what Bill did? The answer is the chemical rush we get from being on the edge.


Thursday, March 13, 2008


Will he swim back to the center?

As you know, Geraldine Ferraro said the only reason Walter Mondale chose her for his running mate was because she is a she. Then she fell on her political sword by saying Obama doesn't have the experience to be President and has succeeded so far because he is black. She might as well have said Obama was the Affirmative Action candidate.

Last night, I listened to about a hour of TV pundits pissing on her for making these comments but none decried them as untrue. I happen to disagree with Geraldine and most of the pundits. Experience is not a big factor, there are plenty of experienced people available to be Presidential Advisers. Anyone with good judgement can be a good President --well, it wouldn't hurt if we got one who understood Economics 101 for a change.

Of course this doesn't mean I'm going to vote Obama. The Democrat Primary wave has washed him too far into left field for me.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Another set of wire wheels.......

This Rolls Royce was parked across from the Double Tree on Church Street today. It has several things in common with the bike taxi including wire wheels, crappy front brakes, canvas top, kids think they are cool and you have to be a little eccentric to drive one.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Low blow..

This is a picture of my son Taz who lives with his mom in Tuscaloosa, Alabama--which is home of the University of Alabama at Tuscaloosa. I wanted a picture of Taz for my computer screen saver, so his mom--who has a very good lawyer and it's a good thing-- sent me this picture of him with that damn Crimson Tide cushion in the background. Everyone who knows me understands this is no joking matter--in Auburn we call this animal cruelty........ then again she did get a good shot of the tooth.



Where did all the turons go?

Things have been so slow at the Market this Turkey Vulture figured it was DEAD. It was so slow I gave a couple of seniors from Virginia a free ride. They gave me a two buck tip. I was just damn glad that Vulture didn't catch me napping and that I didn't have to pay the seniors for their company.
Things are looking good longer term, most of the hotels are getting good advanced bookings. I believe we're still getting the post Katrina I'll- never- go to New Orleans crowd. Don't feel too sorry for New Orleans, Uncle Sam has the printing presses working over-time to make enough money to fill in the place with hundred dollar bills.
Here in Charleston we're all looking foreword to some Big Money WORK Days.

Saturday, March 08, 2008


Simple plan

Unemployment numbers getting too high? Too many illegals in the country? Under utilized public transportation--that's buses Bubba?

Here is the plan: 1. Load up an under utilized bus with unemployed people. 2. Go to the nearest chicken processing plant, lettuce field, golf course, construction site etc. 3. Arrest a bus load of illegals and replace them at the job site with the unemployed Americans. 4. Give the bus driver an armed guard and a credit card and take illegals back to Mexico. Note: any of the unemployed who didn't want to work would be put in a new unemployment category called 'Dead Beat Unemployed' and we could all ignore this category. Any of the illegals who want a civil rights lawyer could get one in Mexico and pursue his case from his home country. a country with 12-14 million illegals, most of whom work, how hard can it be to enforce current immigration laws and create at least 5-10 thousand job opening a month? This would settle an argument; "Are there really any unemployed Americans out there that are willing to take a illegal aliens job?" Are you?

Thursday, March 06, 2008


Ready to roll....

This guys is ready for work but can you really call what he does work? Is getting out of the house at about 9:30 plus or minus a half hour--usually plus-- and casually riding a bicycle the four miles to downtown really work? Is riding around town on a Bike Taxi giving out business cards and BS-ing with friends really work? Probably not. However.....what about when those two 300 pound turons from New Jersey lumber into the cab? Take 600 pounds of turon ass, 150 pounds of bike and the 220 pound Pedicab Man and you got nearly a thousand pounds being peddled down the road on retirement age legs. Is this work? Well? Here is the answer: not no, but hell no. I find myself riding along with a big smile, putting some BS on the yankees and thinking.... it doesn't get any better than this!


Start, stop, start, stop

I took this picture in Mt. Pleasant yesterday, from the road, near Whole Foods. Like a horse in the barn I'm ready to get out at the first sign of spring. Trouble is... spring can't seem to get going this year. One nice day followed by rain which is followed by cold....then the cycle starts over again. Just what I need, when I'm ready to start riding the Bike Taxi, a moody Mother Nature.
At least life is back to normal in Atlanta; you can wash your car and water the lawn--they're probably bitching about all the rain.

Monday, March 03, 2008


Smaller circles.......

Oil at $104 a barrel, environmental concerns, fat kids and fatter parents. What is it with people who have such a big circle they end up commuting for hours each day? What about a community that has kids riding in a yellow steel box for hours--not to mention in front of the tube for even more hours-- and can't spring for a 30 minute recess? What about that trip to the mall that involves more sitting around in traffic? Friends, bet you have to travel long distances to see them?

What if we lived in smaller circles where work, schools, shopping and friends are all in walking distance?

Oh well....probably wouldn't do much good in a society where stopping your SUV at the mail box on the drive to McDonalds is considered the ultimate in environmental consciousness.


Sunday, March 02, 2008


When little boys talk

by Jennifer

The battery in my car died Friday, which wasn't the end of the world because it had died earlier in the week and I had the foresight to load up the trunk with jumper cables. But it was extraordinarily embarassing because I was at Jack's school, and I was going to have to find some other mom to jump me off.

Jack's school is a church school. They call themselves a community church, and they're hard core. No drinking or cussing and a whole lot of praying, and they're very good to Jack, who needs a little holy influence. His grandpa--as anyone reading this blog can attest--is a heathen.

So I go looking for Oscar's mom to jump me off. She's a flighty redhead who always leaves her Volvo SUV running while she's inside yacking with Oscar's teachers. Inside I find her and find out her name is Carrie.

Carrie comes outside and says, "Oh, shit, I'm not sure where the battery is in this car."

"I didn't think we were supposed to say shit here," I say.

"We're not," she giggles, "but I keep forgetting. It was Oscar's first curse word. When we lit up the Christmas tree for the first time, he said, 'Holy, shit!'"

From Jim: Jennifer jumps me for saying cuss words around Jack. Looks like Oscar is going to be the cuss teacher? But who do think is going to teach him how to pee behind a bush? What about how to recognize a spread formation? To be very nice to little girls? Catch a baseball, run down a pass, make a pass, pretend he can't hear his mom, climb a tree, build a fort or play in the rain?

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